Monday, March 10, 2008
will i b able to do it? sidetRackin
trust those hands?wanted to update but seem to hav them for every oth thing except tis . umm.
i'll work on it. hav quite a lot of back dating i wanna do
i'll work on it. hav quite a lot of back dating i wanna do
for today...
well
I met my ex schoolmate on e way home..at first i tot i saw someone familiar until he came towards me n called my name hah..umm ppl change over time. he's changed- the appearance, the talkin manner, ppl grow up ya.. he said i changed too haha didnt want to ask him in wat way xD hahah..
i rmb him cos he had a crush on me since i was sec 2 but didnt told me anything even aft we graduated. i knew cos one of my gf told me. He was the 1st guy who interested in me whom i got to know of from a gf..it's interestin..
cos i wondered what he saw in me? a nerdy specky and even childish toot-lookin liTTLe short gal.
cos i dunno how i'd react if he did told me..
oso interestin cos later in sec 3 n 4 his oth friends oso had a thing and they all expressed themselves except him...thinkin abt tt haha i cant believe such things actually happened to me hahah as i was lik one of those introvert souls wondering ard only mixing w my smallll grp of friends
i
didnt respond to any of those guys tho..cos back then i was really restricted by myself n parents that i felt the only way to not hurt anyone is to not get involved with anyone but i still hurt 1 in the end. got together for 1 month then I totally broke his heart. Knew it but still did it to the one tt understood me most among the rest. till now there's still a sense of guilt in me even tho it was for our good? or mayb cos i was too naive to believe it was for the good of both of us. i felt that if we went on eventually my parents would find out n i would giv into the pressure n stress that was alr building.I felt if i ended it earlier he won't have to fall into the relationship even more and so the hurt e impact in his heart wont b as much. i didnt want to mak him sad or anything but it was unavoidable if i, a coward, wanted to giv up this relationship. I felt it would make it better than if i dragged on and one day i jus drop a bomb n tell him "Let's break up" So i did wat i felt.for a moment it did felt better when i told him i wanted to break up..but it really wasnt so aft tt, i felt horrible really horrible inside i felt something burning something i nv felt b4 the look on his face made it worst.. we poss were thinkin "i wish i can jus disappear rite now, not facing him/her, not anyone" e impact was greater on him=(
I met my ex schoolmate on e way home..at first i tot i saw someone familiar until he came towards me n called my name hah..umm ppl change over time. he's changed- the appearance, the talkin manner, ppl grow up ya.. he said i changed too haha didnt want to ask him in wat way xD hahah..
i rmb him cos he had a crush on me since i was sec 2 but didnt told me anything even aft we graduated. i knew cos one of my gf told me. He was the 1st guy who interested in me whom i got to know of from a gf..it's interestin..
cos i wondered what he saw in me? a nerdy specky and even childish toot-lookin liTTLe short gal.
cos i dunno how i'd react if he did told me..
oso interestin cos later in sec 3 n 4 his oth friends oso had a thing and they all expressed themselves except him...thinkin abt tt haha i cant believe such things actually happened to me hahah as i was lik one of those introvert souls wondering ard only mixing w my smallll grp of friends
i
didnt respond to any of those guys tho..cos back then i was really restricted by myself n parents that i felt the only way to not hurt anyone is to not get involved with anyone but i still hurt 1 in the end. got together for 1 month then I totally broke his heart. Knew it but still did it to the one tt understood me most among the rest. till now there's still a sense of guilt in me even tho it was for our good? or mayb cos i was too naive to believe it was for the good of both of us. i felt that if we went on eventually my parents would find out n i would giv into the pressure n stress that was alr building.I felt if i ended it earlier he won't have to fall into the relationship even more and so the hurt e impact in his heart wont b as much. i didnt want to mak him sad or anything but it was unavoidable if i, a coward, wanted to giv up this relationship. I felt it would make it better than if i dragged on and one day i jus drop a bomb n tell him "Let's break up" So i did wat i felt.for a moment it did felt better when i told him i wanted to break up..but it really wasnt so aft tt, i felt horrible really horrible inside i felt something burning something i nv felt b4 the look on his face made it worst.. we poss were thinkin "i wish i can jus disappear rite now, not facing him/her, not anyone" e impact was greater on him=(..we didnt talk aft tt break for nearly 2 yrs..we avoided each oth we withdrew into our shells..he didnt wanna talk i didnt wanna talk cos i felt bad. really bad. didnt want to do wat i did honestly if there was oth factors i had to consider. in the end i sacrificed more than wat i wanted to save. i lost a dear friend. this is life? my greatest regret. no wonder i've heard tt sometimes. jus sometimes, it's better to remain friends than get into a relationship w a person who u think understands u so well tt u tink , "we muz b soul mates." i realised wat u wan in life is uncontrollable. wat u can hav at present shud b treasured..even more so nowadays..judgin by how even healthy ppl even young ppl can jus drop dead in a sec...we can nv now wat happens next, can we?
Sh*T.. i side tracked too much..dun wanna go on any further abt it..
as i was sayin i met tt ex sch mate ..allowed me to reflect & only agree tt time and tide waits for no man..tt time flies. with a blink of an eye years hav passed..aft my experiences n learning from my environments..i'm startin to accept tt i am leaving the category of being called a teenager.. gonna be a teen no more, jus an ager..every sec every min.. nv was a young dare devil anyway i'm too deep a tinker tt sometimes i cant click w my generation?sounds weird but really i cant help it
they say : "Age gracefully"
tho i'm nt lik darn old rite now,i wonder..
will i b able to do it?
as i was sayin i met tt ex sch mate ..allowed me to reflect & only agree tt time and tide waits for no man..tt time flies. with a blink of an eye years hav passed..aft my experiences n learning from my environments..i'm startin to accept tt i am leaving the category of being called a teenager.. gonna be a teen no more, jus an ager..every sec every min.. nv was a young dare devil anyway i'm too deep a tinker tt sometimes i cant click w my generation?sounds weird but really i cant help it
they say : "Age gracefully"
tho i'm nt lik darn old rite now,i wonder..
will i b able to do it?
// posted by cR@zie Lass @ 10:32 
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